To Teach your Children is also to Teach Yourself

From:Voice of Longquan      Author:Voice of Longquan      Time:2017-12-01 10:17:15
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While educating children, parents themselves grow. See parenting as cultivating yourself, rather than teaching your child.

Q: Greetings Master! I’ve been studying Buddhism for one year and in many respects I can feel I’ve already changed a lot. However, my son’s addiction to computer games remains a headache for me. He is a junior in high school. Apart from sleeping, he spends all his time playing games, doesn’t want to do anything else, and won’t listen to a word I say. I used to dedicate the merit from my daily Sutra recitation to him, but he has hardly changed at all. What should I do?

A: Don’t be anxious. Continue practicing diligently. Your personal growth and increased wisdom will help guide him in the course of each interaction. Educating someone can be likened to nurturing a sapling. Change takes place quietly and bit by bit. Don’t be impatient to push him to live up to your expectations.


Q: Greetings Master. I’m a mother of two children. I love them so much that I will experience extreme anxiety if they suffer even mild discomfort. After coming into contact with Buddhism, I have come to realize that my love for my children is not true love but has become a burden for me, my children and my wider family. Please tell me what real love for children is and what I can do so that they will be increasingly blessed. Thank you, Master.

A: Start with yourself. Only by studying diligently and increasing your wisdom will you come to understand. The wisdom involved in dealing with children touches on all aspects of life, and it is necessary for parents to be able to rise to this. Parenting is not an area in which solutions can be easily found for problems.


Q: Master, lately my 8-year child has become increasingly liable to lose his temper and cry over trivial matters. My patience and confidence is almost worn down to nothing and I feel like a failure. Master, would you please give me some advice?

A: Examine yourself to see if you also behave in this way. While educating children, parents themselves grow. See parenting as cultivating yourself, rather than teaching your child.


Q: Master, what should I do if I always lack patience with my child? Sometimes I even doubt whether I really love her. Minor shortcomings can cause me to fly into a rage, then afterwards I feel regret. Master, please give me some instruction. 

A: For many people, dealing with one’s children is the situation most likely to reveal personal shortcomings. Parents and children have a close karmic connection but an unequal relationship. Parents can always give vent to their exasperation in the name of doing it “for the child’s own good.” It’s not easy to take condemnation, so expressing vexation is most direct. No matter whether it is sincerely for the child’s own good, getting angry always comes from bitterness. Ultimately, you need to diligently practice self-cultivation.

Editor:Bella Liu
Tags:Parenting, wisdom, self-cultivation

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