Why does Buddhism attract me? (V)

From:Voice of Longquan     Author:Xu Hongxia     Time:2018-06-24 20:03:39
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Dharma sister recalled her life experience from an innocent little girl to a Buddhist practitioner. She has personal verification in the benefit of the Buddha’s teachings in her life, and this result in her real confidence in the Buddhism.

What did make me study Buddha's teachings? I have never deeply thought about that question. I think it is the time to contemplate it.

Same as most of the people, I had a pleasant childhood. In my memories, sky was blue, the creek flowing my hometown was clear, numberless stars was illuminating the blue-and-white night sky where I believed I saw the Milky Way. I was in the happy mood at that time.

As the days moved forward, I grew up, I had a job and got married, I found that the life was not satisfied as I had imagined. I soon fell into troubles both in family life and job conditions. The simple and happy life has gone far from me, instead of worries, anxieties and fear etc. I was suffered by such negative emotions more and more often. I felt uptight and helpless to handle the relationship with the people around me. I do not know how to change it, just like a lost boat drifting on the sea. In the year 2007, my two friends happened to contact with me. My friends told me they were learning a book named Lamrim Chenmo, from their description; I realized that the knowledge totally was different from what I had learned since I was a child. I showed much curiosity about it, and also challenged them many questions. I thought it was impossible to happen to me. Afterwards I followed them to attend some activities hold in Longquan monastery; gradually I knew Ven. Master Xuecheng and his virtues, wisdom and compassion. At that time my life was changing little by little. I diverted my attention from those things that I have taken seriously. One time, on my way to monastery, an aunt at about my mother's age shared her story with us. She said studying Buddha's teachings made her save the relationship with her sister-in-law; she also expressed the regret for not studying the Buddha's teachings earlier, if so, she thought she would not have taken so many sufferings for so many years. I was touched by her story. At that time I was entangled by the same kind of thing with my husband's sister, my heart told me to make a change but I was not willing to follow the way as the aunt told me,  which would not harm each other again in the future days and gave me the courage to revert the bad situation. The wrong behavior resulted in nothing but more bitter and harm to both of us and people involved. The first step to change was difficult, but I made preparation to face it. Finally I found it was not so tough to handle as I thought, our relationship soon reverted to the normal way and we get along well with each other. I found that so called contradiction was just like a battlefield inside me. From then on, I began to know that the teachings are meaningful and helpful.

To be frankly, now I still have a lot of wrong cognition for Buddha’s teachings. Fortunately I began to have a little consciousness about ignorance, although most time I still do not recognize its reality and I might have been lost somewhere or sometimes, for example sometimes I thought staying alone is a serenity for me, I called it freedom, but my Dharma brother told me freedom is the other face of distraction. When such thoughts arose, I found it was, indeed, the time that I was losing inner peace. I am honored I have such kind of friends around me. 

It looks that I am straying the point. What are the causes I still stick to the position, I think it is that I was still touched by many people on the road to achieve the Buddhahood, I need the Dharma and I believe my masters and fellow practitioners will take me back when I lost the way. Thank You.

Tags:life, family and job, Buddha’s teachings

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