Leave the monastery
One morning, Master Xianqing came to office No.305 and led the verse chanting. After this, we were asked to give a self-introduction in turn and report about the work for last week. When it came to my turn, I told everyone it was my first time to become a full-time volunteer in the monastery and I was really thankful for being offered such an opportunity to learn from the great masters closely. Master Xianqing immediately cut in, "Do you want to have a second time?". I felt a little bit shocked with great blessing.
Yes, I have a great interest in Buddhism, I am willing to learn about it and combine it with my own life. But still I cannot make up my mind to take the next step, it could be a lack of courage or something else, I cannot tell clearly.
All conditioned things are impermanent; the reality of life is nothing but affliction which comes as a fruition of one’s attachment to “I”. Yes, I am aware of these.
However, I am still attracted by some things in secular life, such as literature, art and constant learning and thinking.
I still want to get close to the truth of life in a way that I could manage to accept.
In addition, I still want to create a better life for my parents, though "better" here may mean “more affluent”. This idea may be very worldly. In Buddhism it seems to be "limited filial ", but anyway it is my current state of life.
I would keep going, never give up......
Maybe one day I could actually come back spiritual home......
Thank Buddha for all the encounters in my life.
Standing at Mingxin Pavilion, Longquan
Monastery, overlooking Beijing
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