Diary of my Buddhist practice (II)

From:Voice of Longquan     Author:Cheng Biru     Time:2016-08-03 06:48:16
Word Size: Small middle large
A mother tries to oberve merits of her daughter to break the bad habbit of finding faults with others.

Recently my daughter and I fell out a lot over trifling things. I found faults with her all the time. The summer vacation is approaching. I’m actually worrying about being with her at home all day long. So I decided to write a diary every day about her merits so as to break my bad habit of finding faults with others. I know it’s hard for me to observe her merits, but I want to give it a try, starting from today.

Diary of my Buddhist practice -20160623
I was actually doing translation the whole day today, so I had no time left for my daughter. I felt a little guilty, thus I cooked lunch for her and we chatted for a while. She did not complain and was tolerant. In the afternoon, she spent some time reviewing her history subject and wanted to share with me what she had read, but I was busy. I really had no time to spare but I didn’t want to annoy her. I hit upon an idea. I suggested that she talk to her pet Chinchilla and give her a lesson on history.  She was amused by my idea and talked to the pet for over 20 minutes. She felt it was fun while I felt it was a relief. She was so cute and lovely.

Diary of my Buddhist practice -20160625
This morning when I locked the door, I grazed my finger on the door handle, and it started bleeding. I knew why. I was in a hurry. I had my breakfast in a hurry. I packed my bag in a hurry and I left home in a hurry. Since I spent a little time more on the morning reading, I was late for everything. The injury was just on the finger joint, so whenever I bent my finger it started bleeding. When I returned home after a long day in the monastery, my daughter welcomed me with a whole pot of coarse cereal soup. She found my finger injury and immediately got me a Band-Aids. Then she went to the kitchen and cooked supper for me. I was so moved. She is like a warm jacket of mine, taking care of me when I’m weak.

Diary of my Buddhist practice -20160626
It was the first day of my daughter’s course training program today. Actually she started to fidget from yesterday. This is always her problem. She often feels nervous and insecure before she is going to meet new people in a new environment. I woke her up in 6:20am. When I went for her again, she was still in bed and told me she was not feeling well. I encouraged her to get up, do the washing and brushing and ignore the feeling of body. I knew it was because of the nervousness. She reluctantly got up and just sat on sofa. I comforted her in soothing words but nothing changed. I was losing my patience and becoming discouraged. Negative moods were building up in me. I started to complain to her father. I knew it was the same lesson, for me and my daughter. Each time it ended up with her giving up going out and my becoming angry. Then I realized that I must look inward. I must first loosen my nerve. Why couldn’t I let it go? Going or not going was not that important. I shut up my mouth. If she couldn’t go, I would accept it. We just waited. My inner entanglement was gone. After a while I saw she got up, quickly prepared everything and said good-bye to me. I was astonished at her fast change. How did she get recovered and decided to go? I asked her this question after she came back in the afternoon. She said, “Lying there on the bed, I was thinking what on earth went wrong with me. Why could I go to see a movie but couldn’t attend the class?” Now I know she had been struggling with herself all the time, trying to persuade herself and fighting her worries. I could have given her more understanding and love. She has been trying. I should give her time.
Thank you my dear daughter. I really appreciate your courage and intelligence. I know you are helping me overcome my fear, my worry. When my worries are gone, yours will never exist.


Tags:diary, Buddhist practice, observe merits

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